Saturday, July 31, 2010

Evil Me

- Tell me about your girl friends before me.
- You are the first.
- What a liar.
- The first whose love I could return.
- Why? I don't believe you.
- You want me to do things with you. You don't want to be worshiped like an idol.
- I'm not your idol. You're my pet. My satellite. You revolve around me. Your life revolves around mine.
- I love the puppy more than I love you.
- You don't love me.
- Whatever you say.
- You don't love anyone. You're dead.
- Why were you always asking me if I loved you?
- You were a mistake. I know I can do much better now. I don't have to settle for you.

She deliberately enrages me, provokes me to respond in kind. When you've seen what you think is evil, it is easy to talk big, to be intoxicated in your words. Almost always to no avail, because though truth might be stated, stating the truth does not establish truth in the world, does not make the world more honest or more fair. It seems so, when you are working on the problem of a wrong or mistaken view which another person has brought into your life. Correcting the principle behind the action is the first order of business. But can you or your companion act on the corrected knowledge to make both your lives better, does it even occur to you to try?

I get angry. I threaten her, I want to hurt her. I don't love her, not now when I want to establish myself as king in the world of knowledge, the one who sets the world strait. Wanting to re-establish my place in the world by hurting another, I do evil.