I think I have the right to say anything to her because it is a friend I am speaking to and when the friend says no you don't, I don't allow anyone to talk to me like that, and she goes away, I realize my mistake. I need the company of my friend, cannot afford to end the conversation. The conversation has to continue. It is the most important thing in my life. She is the most important thing in my life.
I say: how dare you abandon me. Leave me friendless and in danger. A friend doesn't do that kind of thing, yet I am talking to you presuming you are still my friend! Who is more crazy here? I show I am willing to accept, yet complain I cannot accept, and doing so drive you away so there is no one around to accept.
The truth is I know I will forgive you nearly anything. And I forget you are not the same. You do not forgive my insults and attacks. Or you do, eventually, but only if my raging does not scare you.
I cannot speak to you as a friend because you are such a good friend that I dare not lose you.
