I have been thinking about my mother as if she were still alive. It seems to make no difference that she is not, maybe because when she was alive I never really felt the need to see her. Maybe it is the same with my wife. I want to hear from her again, don't want to see her. I want only to be back with love and leave it at that.
I can't imagine a future with her, though I am relying on it as the only meaning in life I am sure of. I remember looking at her, waiting for meaning to complete itself. I want to look at her in imagination in the same way, love still alive.