Saturday, February 14, 2015

Craigslist Messiah

Craigslist Ad: "Room For Rent, $125 Per Week Plus 20 Hours Construction Work"

- Who's that blond that just left?
- Her office is upstairs. She publishes a fitness magazine.
- I haven't been to this Starbucks in years. What do they do with their old food?
- Pack it into trash bags they dump in the containers outside.
- Let's wait and see.
- So you can go through the garbage?
- I once got enough to live on for three days.
- You look like you don't make a habit of eating with that unkept Indian spiritualist beard of yours. What's with the beard anyway?
- Don't knock it. I was on the cover of a magazine.
- Why did they want you?
- I look like Jesus. Everyone got make-up but me. They told me I was perfect.
- The image of spirituality.
- I'm a very spiritual man. Well, do you accept the deal? Room for a week for 125 dollars, and 20 hours work, painting and the like. I warn you I'm a slave driver.
- What sort of room is it?
- You might not have a room. You won't. You can sleep on the floor, right? You sleep in the dining room. Do you have Facebook and picture ID?
- Why?
- I want to register with AirB&B in your name.
- Why?
- It's too complicated to explain. It is a requirement if you want to stay at my house.
- Who else is staying there?
- No one at the moment. There's a couple of guys, they're crazy. Everyone who answers the ad is crazy. A guy who sleeps with his bulldog, wise guy. And a black drug dealer who told me how he traded drugs for his last room but the landlord took the drugs and went after him with a machete. He wants me to sign a contract so I don't cheat him. I think I'll put the contract in your name.
- Why?
- Don't ask questions. I want you to be out of the house all day. Come at midnight, leave in the morning. You don't have anything you have to leave, right?
- No. For one month you want me to pay $500 rent and work 80 hours, that's $700 at minimum wage, total 1300 dollars to sleep on the dining room floor, be gone all day, have your business in my name and sign a rental contract with a drug dealer.
- It could be worse.